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10:09 a.m. - 2004-02-13
st. valentine was executed
my school is the most disgusting, pathetic place in the world.

i walk into 4th hall this morning, and my first thought, seriously-my immediate thought-was "oh my gosh....all the blood and noise, somebody got hurt." but no, 2000 and some kids decided to get dressed in red for valentines day. i have been in school for only 2 1/2 hours and have seen hundreds of balloons and flowers, dozens of teddy bears and gift bags, and more phony hugs and smiles than i'd ever want. it's disgusting. and this weekend, this 3 day weekend, all these kids are gonna fuck. so, all the aids and HIV, that's already attacked a huge lot of my peers, is going to spread some more. we are currently like, #2 in the county for highest HIV cases, but by next semester, i wouldn't be surprised if we were number one. and for what? 2 1/2 minutes of pleasure? you know that he's not going to be faithful to her in a week (unless he already isn't). then she's going to get mad/hurt and want to fight fire with fire and go fuck somebody else. it's this sad, horrible domino effect.

these kids make sex sound like it is the coolest thing to do. and everyone is eager to try it, whether it be to impress friends, impress boyfriend/girlfriend, or to take control of the curiosity. it makes me sick. it makes me sick to think of how many girls will be pregnant soon, how many will have contracted something, and how many will pass on what they have contracted to the fetus in their stomach.

valentine's day is so stupid. why can't you love your friends, family, and partner everyday? isnt that better? like, any random day you can surprise them with the candy and flowers and kisses. if you do it on the day when you are expected to and when everyone else does it, it loses its genuine meaning. st. valentine was murdered or something. thats not romantic. not romantic at all.

okay, well, what i am trying to say, is i think that these poor kids are getting too swept up in what love is and what its supposed to be. too many are looking for it and expecting it to be here today. we have like 60 more years to live, so the chances of finding true love during these 4 years are soo slim. especially in this tiny community when there are 6 billion people worldwide. it scares me.

i want them to wake up. i want them to understand that there are consequences to their actions. i want them to understand how young we still are and how love is a feeling we should have for our moms and dogs. not each other. we aren't capable of handling it yet. (my friend beat up her boyfriend and his "mistress"-twice-when she found out about them, and she still wants to be with him!) we just are not stable enough within ourselves to take on such huge emotions and actions. and i wish everyone would have gone through what i have, the fear, the pain, the shattered bliss. but, i guess we all learn in different ways at different times. but i don't ever want someone to have to learn the hard way. except maybe peggy.


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