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10:59 a.m. - 2004-04-02
first, the graduation pictures went really well, in my mind. i felt so great. wearing the gown-i cant possibly explain it. i stared at myself in the mirror for a good 3 minutes before returning the robe. and now i know i want to go to graduation. not for anyone else. for me-so i can wear the gown again.

okay, so this morning i cut my hair. its just past my ears now. and i love it. whats wrong with me? i am so unhappy. these kids at school are gonna fight i think. i heard someone on their phone yesterday talking about how he wasnt afraid of someone shooting him. that got me so scared for him and so angry at all these kids. they dont know what a gun can do. they havent seen the exploded head of their stepfather. they dont know. they dont understand. they shouldnt have to. these kids shouldnt be playing with guns.

when am i going to get into college already? everyone around me has been accepted to at least 2 schools and i cant even manage one. im going crazy. what am i going to do if i dont get in anywhere? i guess travel? be free. do whatever the hell i want. but after a while ill be old with nothing to show for my age besides a couple of souvenirs. i hate my life.


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