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10:53 a.m. - July 04, 2004
in the time of the tangents
im nervous. im excited. coke is one of the only things ive yet to try. all ill have left after tonight is heroin and crack. wait, no-acid. god! i want acid soooo bad!! or shrooms. something. i want to hallucinate! i mean, i see things when its pitch black or i close my eyes, but its not what i expect. kay, off topic...

ive asked around to see what coke is like, like how you feel and what happens to your body. it doesnt sound super duper exciting, but it should be interesting since ive never done anything like it. is an 8-ball a lot? thats 3 1/2 grams i think, but i dont know if thats a lot. i feel like such a little kid. so inexperienced.

i always feel inexperienced. i just learned how to pack a bowl. it doesnt seem hard once you get used to it, but just starting out-it can be difficult. i didnt know how much to break it up and i just learned about seeds and stems or whatever. i feel so stupid you know? i have had sex with 7 people and i still feel like i dont know what im doing. like every time is my first time. why do i keep going off on these tangents?!

so, im gonna try cocaine in a couple hours and i hope i meet a someone special-i shaved this morning, so i better. wish me luck and happy 4th.


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