2:41 p.m. - March 15, 2005
its wierd because i dont want to be in love. i get crazy when i feel like i love someone. but i want someone to love me. anyone. i just want to feel like i am able to be loved. and not having that is like a knife to the heart everytime i think about it.
i hurt a lot thinking about how nobody wants me. i dont know why its so important to me. yes, i do. ive said it before. its validation. it proves that life is worth living if theres someone who wants you. i feel like theres no reason to exist if its just for me. i want to touch someone (in every sense of the meaning) and i want someone to think about me. want me. thats all i ask. WANT ME! im not so horrible. am i?
maybe i am. and this is what i get for that.
i dyed my hair black. it makes me feel goth. maybe ill go goth for a while. black eyeliner and black lipstick. maybe then someone will want me? eh, prolly not.