3:45 a.m. - July 02, 2005
my life will perish tonight....
tonight i smoked, drank as much beer as this jordan will drink, and took 8(?) tcs. i wanted to have fun. the night was okay. but im not.
im not okay.
i am very depressed right now and i know that what i am going to do tonight will not fix anything. i am going to go to curtis' house. i promised him i would call or stop by tonight and last week i told him id fuck him this week. so, might as well keep my word, right?
he is going to say nice things. he already told me i had "perfect breasts". maybe tonight he will tell me i am beautiful. thats all i want to hear. its all i am looking for.
i feel so horrible about me right now. and it seems like there is no one in my world who cares. so, i will be the stereo-typical-teenage-girl-raised-by-a-single-mother and fuck him just because he wants me to and because i need to feel needed.
how can i stop being so broken? i want to cut but i am so sick of people questioning my scars. so, i will cut myself up inside. and keep those scars to myself.
