4:14 p.m. - October 25, 2006
this boyfriend thing is harder than i thought. i mean, yeah-ive had boyfriends before. so how is this different? because he was my friend first? because of the huge time and space between seeing each other? i dont know. but its hard.
am i in love? do i really know what that means? i dont know. but i know that i dont think about hector anymore. i dont think about glen anymore. i only have eyes for miguel. my stomach turns when i ask him for his feelings-afraid of the rejection. i get clammy when im getting ready to see him.
it means something. im really happy to have someone to focus on. someone i care about. someone i can make happy. thats what ive wanted for so long. and in the past its been so misdirected and fucked. im ready to be a grown up (at least in this perspective).