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4:14 p.m. - October 25, 2006
i think i love you...but what am i so afraid of?
(im skeeted.)

this boyfriend thing is harder than i thought. i mean, yeah-ive had boyfriends before. so how is this different? because he was my friend first? because of the huge time and space between seeing each other? i dont know. but its hard.

am i in love? do i really know what that means? i dont know. but i know that i dont think about hector anymore. i dont think about glen anymore. i only have eyes for miguel. my stomach turns when i ask him for his feelings-afraid of the rejection. i get clammy when im getting ready to see him.

it means something. im really happy to have someone to focus on. someone i care about. someone i can make happy. thats what ive wanted for so long. and in the past its been so misdirected and fucked. im ready to be a grown up (at least in this perspective).


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