8:24 a.m. - January 08, 2007
stupid girl
i love him. im learning more each day what exactly that means. yet, at the same time...somethings not right.
i feel like were lacking something. and i dont know what it is. i want something from him and i dont know what it is.
maybe i dont want him to love me so much.
maybe i dont want him to be so fucking hurt that i dont hang all over him every minute we're together.
is that so wrong?
im so comfortable just laying there with him. just knowing we are together is enough for me. why not for him?
its a little annoying sometimes that he so easily feels slighted by me. when thats never an intention or thought in my head. only weeks later, after mulling it all over in his head and letting emotions build, does he say anything. what am i supposed to do? if i dont know hes upset how can i fix it? and why does he want me to force something? if i dont want to be super affectionate, i really shouldnt force it. thats just going to push the wheels of this thing into hyper-speed and itll be over before we have our first fight.
DONT MAKE ME FORCE ANYTHING!
but to tell him that would hurt his feelings. hurt him that i dont want to be uber-affectionate like he does. hurt him that id be forcing myself to do something.
i dont like writing about boyfriend stuff. its so stupid and ends so long like this just did.
