7:55 a.m. - April 20, 2007
distractions
am i allowed to be happy? am i allowed to find someone that i want to be with? im not sure. i feel bad doing something for myself as opposed to for another person. i cant explain that. it just is.
owen. hes amazing. hes got a lot of energy and says im beautiful a lot. i believe every word and its scary. apparently, he hasnt had a girlfriend for a while and i think hes jonesing for one. i dont want him to make a rash decision that could affect both of us. i dont want him to be thinking with his dick instead of his feelings. if im going to get hurt in this anywhere then id rather just to continue being on my own. i can do that. i dont neeed someone.
but i do. im realizing that. i need to have someone there that i can touch and just...have. i was soo used to miguel. just the theory of having him there. being able to grab his hand or anything. and i am craving that in owen lately. why am i so strongly gravitating towards another friggin relationship??? because im stupid. and pathetic. and easily bought. bought with nice words and hard looks.
i want this to be fun. and it is. for now. but things change. they change fast before you know it.
i want to watch the goonies with him. thatd be nice.
