4:42 p.m. - Monday, Aug. 27, 2007
where did i go wrong?
ive never had this relationship before. ever. very strange.
john and i. were friends. hes my best friend, really. and after the night of what happened, weve been closer.
we cuddle. we hug. we hold hands. hell kiss my arm. ill kiss his. no mouth kissing though. thatd be wierd. this whole thing is odd. oddly comfortable. i dont know if i like it. but i love it. but dont like it.
at night, after weve already fallen asleep...we get closer. hes asleep. i dont know how he does it. or why. but he gets closer. i dont let him get too close of course. but its closer than ive ever imagined. but, comfortable. idk.
i just hope hes okay. i hope this is for him what it is for me. comfortable companionship. with a lot of people, touch and the like is merely mutual masturbation. thats all anyones seeking. to masturbate inside another human. but, thats not this i dont think. its true love of a friend. but its wierd. i hope he doesnt develop a crush. i hope hes never had one. i hope i dont hurt his feelings ever. and i hope i never let him hurt mine. i hope he doesnt expect anything to go to another level. i hope i dont have to tell him no.
