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11:55 a.m. - Sunday, Nov. 02, 2008
oops. i did it again. i got drunk and went home with a stranger.

i think its been about a month? maybe 6 whole weeks since the last time that happened.

the wierd thing? i keep finding foreigners. or they find me. i can never remember how it all goes down.

last time it was the austrian. this time he was swiss. and, convenient as hell for me, they all leave the country for good the next day or the next. or so they tell me.

i have a good time. theyre sweet. this one was martin-whos name i didnt catch til he introduced himself to leah in the morning. it was the worst introduction ever. i was like: this is leah. leah, this is.....

and i waited for him to fill in the blank for me.

why cant i find a guy from america who wants to take me home? who wants me? wtf?

i think two is enough. no more of this. its so dangerous. luckily ive found nice guys, but anyone could be anyone. and i do feel a little more empty afterwards. i feel good too. like a little fulfilled-someone wanted me for a little while. but, that doesnt really stay.

this is a lonely life im living. i want to stay independent-thats why i dont have a boyfriend. whenever anyone asks. the truth? the guys i want dont want me back and im not jumping into a loveless relationship just for shits ever again. so, i wait. i wait. i think there must be something really wrong with me. like, a big character flaw i cant see. that turns guys off. i dont know. im just waiting for this love drought to end. and as anyone can plainly see, im getting more and more impatient.

stupid one night stands. atupid martin. stupid markus. stupid me.


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