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4:27 a.m. - Thursday, Aug. 27, 2009
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all the while ive been pining for michael i have been trying to find myself other love interests...future self, when you remember this time, remember the others...

according to all the womens dating books (i havent read any i just watch oprah and such), they advise seeing 2-3 men at once. to keep your options open and to prevent moving too fast or getting too serious with one person too quickly..or something..

i have always found that to be bullshit.

its hard enough to find one person you can connect with and who likes you-let alone multiple.

but today i found myself in a strange, rare- yet interesting position...

i currently like 3 guys who like me too.

theres james, whom i met drunk at a party with people who are friends of some of my second-friends (much like second cousins, if you will). we went out to eat with a group and i guess connected that night. at least, i gave him my phone number and weve been texting sporadically since. but he did drunk text me once: i love v...idk if that was meant to be u or someone whose name begins with v. we were supposed to play monopoly at his house tonight but it didnt happen.

theres jonathan, migs brother, whom i thought forgot about me after our wet n wild connection. but we talked today and he seems very interested in what i think of him..

and theres denton. i just met this one today. about a week ago-in all my desparity for companionship-i posted a (strictly platonic) craigslist ad. and this guy replied today. we spent a greater part of the afternoon im-ing and texting each other and we spent the whole night til now together. he likes me...i like him.

i dont know what to focus on right now. who.

tonight with denton he put me in a bad position. it started out really really cool. we went out to us 27 for some racing stuff....then when the cops chased us from griffin to hialeah we went to his cousins place in boca so he and friend could smoke hash. long story short-i didnt talk to him for over 2 hours and we didnt get home until 415.

as i was getting upset i was thinking...if mike were here id have called him to rescue me..because he would. he would do that for me.

but, hes not here. and he cant rescue me. but thats how i think of him. thats what hes done for me for years: helped me out of tough situations..

getting evicted? call mike.
waiting for a bus in the rain? call mike.
stuck at a party? call mike.
bike broken? call mike.
need $5? call mike.
locked out of the house? call mike.
have to escape lee? call mike.

and thats only what i can remember...

goddammit! every day my mind changes. every day my feelings fucking change.

how do i feel today about michael?

i dont know!

i want him not in my life so i can learn how to do things on my own.

i need him in my life because we make each other happy.

idk...crap on that.

denton is really, really cute. i like him a lot. and i told him that what happened tonight is not okay-especially for a first impression. i told him i was angry and he apologized profusely. but hes so cute i cant stay mad. its been a long time since someone has (wanted to) kiss(ed) me.

this entry is all over.


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