9:38 a.m. - Monday, Jan. 11, 2010
my (love) life is so sad.
actually, it doesnt even get to be sad when it doesnt exist.
i liked a guy the other night. we got along. laughed. joked. went from dudes party to carolinas birthday party. he said i could sleep over his house. (i did not intend to have sex with him. i swear.)
we went to carolinas house after. and then the two of the disappeared into her room for an hour.
when they were done i had him take me home. and before i quietly left his truck i made sure to make him feel as bad about himself as he made me feel about him.
i thought we had hit it off. i really, really did.
i am not really sure how to win anymore.
for a long time, i won with sex. then some dumb little bird told me that you dont win by giving sex, you win by not giving sex. well...thats not working right now either. and now i never want to know this person from the other night.
all signs point to eternal solitude for me.
i just cant stress enough how much i want it. am ready for it. if justin or someone i ever like equally could just give me that chance...
oh...justin. last i heard he was fucking four girls at the same time.
how do i compete with that and not give it up???
can 12-21-12 just get here already?