11:18 a.m. - Friday, Jul. 15, 2011
screwed every which way
matt and i have been broken up for a month now. the first half was easy because he wanted me and would cry to me and i knew what i did not want. now that hes finding social outlets and picking up sidework, he doesnt need me as much as he did when he had nothing. and now i dont know what i want. and i cant go to him or reach out to him when im in this state of confusion. its pointless. i know that ultimately i do Not want him. but right now i Do want him. theres nothing i can do here but suffer over it.
aaand i dont even want to have sex with anyone else. which i KNOW would help me get over matt. or get over not being with him. but i only want him. sex-wise. so im screwed there. not.
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