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10:22 a.m. - Thursday, Jan. 05, 2012
ive matured a lot over the past year. and x2 over the last two years. but my heart remains about 14 years old. 18 on a good day.

maybe because im bored. maybe because im lonely. maybe because i need validation. maybe just because. but..for lately ive been seeking. or...yearning. im not sexually charged. god, definitely not that. i dont want to have sex with anyone any time soon. but i want companionship. i want to lust and be lusted after. i want to think about someone. and have giggly conversations and spiritual conversations. with someone.

i found a kid on craigslist recently. jesse butcher. no thanks. he was cool to text with-which is how it started. but in was a little weird. thank god for alcohol, eh?

maybe ill scope The List again for interaction.

i had this customer at work. his voice made me warm all over. we spoke for all of 6 minutes probably, but i thought about him nonstop for about a week. i found him on facebook and messaged him. no response. then i forgot. then, AT LEAST a month later he called the job looking for me. :D

so, weve begun emailing. idk. idk. idk. idk. im in love with him. but, alas, im in love with everyone. even my erik sitting behind me at work [he has a girlfriend and is probably too good for me (when i say too good, i mean...behaviorally and morally..not stuck uppishly.)] with this guy, imran, im in love with the fact that he thought of me too. and that he responded to my email. and of course now, i write here only because i dont have the saintly patience to wait nonchalantly for his next email to me. its bad enough i keep refreshing my email...oy...

idk why i get like this. consumed. and consumed i am! i want him to be cute and nice and tall and sexy. i want us to have this ridiculous love story:

british boy calls american girl. they fall in love purely on the sound of each other's voice. a passionate correspondence follows, where they are free to tell each other everything because the odds are that theyll never actually meet or even have a chance. then one day, chance arrives. american girl gets her passport and decides to backpack europe or british boy has to cross the pond for a business trip. when they finally meet they know they can never part. and somehow, somewhere, they live happily ever after.



british boy calls american girl. they fall in lust purely on the sound of each other's voice. girl does her due dilligence in finding out everything she can about the boy. thanks to the world wide web she finds a wedding picture of the groom and bride-the groom formerly being known as the boy. the girl immediately erases from her mind and inbox all traces of the boy and continues on in the search for her true love.

the first story is my favorite. the second is probably closer to how this is gonna end up. but, i remain an eternal optimist. if not this one, then someone. i dont see how or why not. im a fun girl.


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