2:45 p.m. - Sunday, Jan. 15, 2012
even better still, if we could Want what we Have?!
but, alas, fuck no. it just isnt so.
i cant have mr. mukhtar. hes too far. and far too busy.
well, all i have to do is move across the pond and also get busy so i dont notice his business..
thats one i dont know what to do with. at all. i dont want to stop it. it really is fun. i dont want to keep going with it because, at times, it feels fucking pointless. he has a busy work schedule and kids who need his time and energies way more than i..not to mention i feel extremely vulnerable and unworthy...i shouldnt feel vulnerable. how is that possible when i have the world wide web blocking me from him? idk. cuz i still do.
i really would like some love. not lovin. well, lovin too..but mostly LOVE. sadly, i dont feel worthy of being loved and i think thats going to stop it from happening until i can find a way to fix it...