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2:45 p.m. - Sunday, Jan. 15, 2012
its not you its me
wouldnt it all be soo much easier if we could just Have what we Want????

even better still, if we could Want what we Have?!

but, alas, fuck no. it just isnt so.

i cant have mr. mukhtar. hes too far. and far too busy.


well, all i have to do is move across the pond and also get busy so i dont notice his business..

thats one i dont know what to do with. at all. i dont want to stop it. it really is fun. i dont want to keep going with it because, at times, it feels fucking pointless. he has a busy work schedule and kids who need his time and energies way more than i..not to mention i feel extremely vulnerable and unworthy...i shouldnt feel vulnerable. how is that possible when i have the world wide web blocking me from him? idk. cuz i still do.

i really would like some love. not lovin. well, lovin too..but mostly LOVE. sadly, i dont feel worthy of being loved and i think thats going to stop it from happening until i can find a way to fix it...



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