7:27 p.m. - Monday, Apr. 09, 2012
to be or not to be
im such a silly girl.
if i find a guy attractive, i quick develop a crush on him and want him to want me back.
once he does, im over it.
but before he does, hes all i can think about. its dumb.
also, dumb...everything i say and do.
apparently michelle says my line is: so, are you gonna kiss me?
i never thought about it, but i suppose i do say that at times. when im under the influence. and want kissing. its harmless...
i think i like someone. i men, i do actually, so far. but its wrong and inappropriate and unnecessary. hes like 19 or 20 and like maybe comes to my shoulder-i hate towering over cute guys. i like him first and foremost because i find him attractive. the rest for me, as itd seem, is all babys breath. hes young. i experienced so much the first half of my 20s. i am not that person i was anymore. i dont know if i want to play with someone whos still in the beginning of that time.
not like it even matters like that. like i said, its dumb. i shouldnt even be entertaining such a thing. but im bored and lonely and up/down for some makeouts with blue eyes.
it really doesnt matter. nothing will/should come of this. i should learn some dang self-discipline or willpower or something.
should i?
why?
for who?
prolly for me, in the long run. these little in and outs are such time wasters and so inconsequential these days that they may as well not happen. and thats sad. i want something real. i want to have sex with someone with whom i have a connection. not a whambam neighbor who moves out within a week of us coitus-ing. because That gives me a uti.
i want to not waste my time anymore but the moment someone who seems likely to give me attention appears into my line of sight...well, true love be damned. i do what i want.
its gonna be a long, long, lonely road.
