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5:24 p.m. - Wednesday, Dec. 19, 2018
boy girl groups make me sick
im obsessed.

im fucked.

im miserable.

ill never be happy.

i can feel it.

its not meant for me.

sure- ill get a fleeting taste of contentment- even elation- from time to time.

cute little spurts.

but nothing to keep me warm and safe night after night.

i know it.

ill never be happy.

its not for not trying.

im being open.

i swear.

and still.

i fall on my face day after day.

so do i stop now?

just go back to my room and close the door and only emerge to go to work?

no. i shouldnt. i was feeling a smidgen too suicide-y for my own good.

idk what to do.

i need a distraction from this 2 month distraction.

i really hate to quote nsync but this shit is tearin up my heart. when im with him and when were apart. (just read the lyrics and the whole song is pretty apropos smh)

its sad really. im goin through all this and im not even a blip on his radar. i need to stop. but i just have so little else to fucking think about.

i deleted his number again. hopefully for the last time ever. now i just have to forget it. and moooooooooooove on.


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