12:54 p.m. - May 05, 2005
lately ive been getting these terrible urges. urges that i do and do not want to give into.
sometimes it just seems like the perfect time to kiss him. and i want to. i tell myself im going to. but i dont have the courage. im afraid ill never have the courage and then that well never have had a sober kiss. thats really sad to me.
im starting to get butterflies. not all the time. but, every once in a while a thought will conjure up the most wild butterflies in my stomach. and that makes me nervous. such bad timing. always with the bad timing.
i tell myself to stop liking him, but i cant. i think it gets worse every day. whats going to happen when its just me, him, and the horizon for almost a week? i dont want to think about it. because all too soon this is going to be over and part of my sad, pathetic past.