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8:05 a.m. - December 26, 2006
i love you. i wish id never met you.
it always comes back to him. always. when wont it? soon, im sure. not.

a couple weeks ago an enrique iglesias song came on and i began ranting to migs about how much i love him. or loved him. the first time i ever talked to hector on that fated day was because of enrique.

in winn-dixie 4 years ago. me and ade stopped to look at a magazine with the has been pop star on the cover. and i was like, oh-hes so dreamy (or something to that effect). and out from nowhere it seems a voice says: enrique iglesias is a fag. i turned around to see an angel. an angel id love for what so far has been the rest of my life. after i saw hector i knew i had to work at winn dixie. so, two months later i did. and for over the next four months we flirted, fell in love, made love, and broke up. and the whole time he made fun of enrique and i loved it. god! i love him.

anyways fast forward to a couple weeks ago:

me and migs waiting for my mom in the car. i told him that i kept meaning to buy the cd again (i had it once upon a time) but i only remember i want it when i hear a song on the radio. and yesterday-christmas-he gave it to me. its kind of bittersweet. and its sooooo ridiculous that of all things that could be stirring this much emotion in me is an enrique iglesias cd. do i hear myself? i mean, its not like im some retard pop lover. i know how bad enrique is. sentimental value i suppose. and its so sweet that miguel remembered and busted his ass to find it for me (best buy, target, walmart, billions of walgreens, aventura, etc.). but i feel bad because it just stirs feelings that keep meaning to get buried forever. but they keep getting brought back up.

i just want it to stop. i want to stop having this hope! jesus. its been 3 years this month since ive seen him. 2 1/4 years since ive had any communication with him-via email. ridiculous i tell you. yet, i cant shake the feeling that we are meant to find each other again and have a chance. i just cant.


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