4:21 a.m. - Saturday, Oct. 24, 2009
ive been denied all the best..
ive always thought of myself as logical, thoughtful, reasonable, sane.
im learning everyday and every other day that im not..
michelle fucked miguel...
who am i to care?
i messed around with his brother...
weve been broken up for years...2 and a half...
ive had boyfriends and many lovers since..so why do i care?
why do i deserve to care?
in the last year ive learned that i am one of the most jealous people ive ever met.
perhaps ive been able to conceal it better than most/others..but, jealousy consumes me at times. ive always thought i was above it, but in recent events ive learned im not..i just have more self control.
since we broke up ive always felt migs has loved me and wanted to be with me. i never wanted to be with him, but it felt nice knowing he loved me. and it was hard to accept he was ever over me.
idk. i cant expect him to hold some ultra bright candle for me for life. i know. but i think im at such an ultra low and lonely point that i can only fantasize about someone loving me now. who i am now. im so afraid im unlovable and i know hed love me.
but i dont love him.
so who the fuck am i???
no one.
why are gluttony and greed sins?
im going to helll...
