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12:37 a.m. - Sunday, Apr. 10, 2016
my love life this year is pretty nil..

but that doesnt mean that ive gotten no love..

im 30 years old and single and happy being free.

its nice.


i kinda feel like this social butterfly will soon get caught in a sticky web...

i go out to the well. i sit there quietly playing candy crush or doing something on my phone. i participate a little in bar conversations here or there..and then a guy happens.

we start chatting.

another drink gets ordered.

he looks more and more doable with each sip.

the banter is good, drinks flowing..

and eventually, we leave together.

in the last month its been i think three guys.

one was a yachtie i took home to the yachtie rental house. we made out. he wanted more. i wanted home. so i left.

bumped into him the next time i was at the well while hitting it off with issak(?).

the latter will be called ike now.

ike and i left to go smoke and chill. we went to the airport viewing area. smoked some. drank some. listened to some jazz. debated. i helped him win tickets from 88.5. we kissed some. and i put my foot down at the end of the night. he liked it and i kinda liked him (even though he was jobless and living idk where, riding his bike around).

we hung out once more to go the show but i discovered things i didnt like. and they outweighed the good. so the texts slowed to a stop..

last wednesday was jesse. nice guy. cuter with each drink (not ugly to start). we played some darts. i took him home to a yacht he works on- owner was out of town. we talked, walked around the boat. kissed some. i raided the fridge and took a leisurely half hour to make us each a salad. just as i finished, he broke out two lines of coke. i ended up not having any salad that got late and i had to go. he wanted me to stay but i said no. kisses only.

it was awkward when i saw him last night and he said- i came to the bar last night like you told me to. and i said...? oops- i forgot i guess that we made plans to see each other again. but i kind of feel like that was a part of my escape on the boat. who knows? but i think im good on that.

if i dont feel relationship potential, its all just a waste of time. even friend potential. i saw friend potential (and nothing more) the first night i met mike and im glad weve remained friends over the months. but i aint got time to waste and play around...

i see a conundrum rounding the corner though..all these guys i spend time with outside the bar are often at the bar. they see me and want to talk to me but i either dont really feel like being social or im talking to someone gets awkward and its going to turn into shit talking and rumors. i can smell it.

but how do i not just do what i want? im unattached. no ring on this finger. i dont lie. im not fucking anyone (its been like 3 months). ive made no promises to anyone (except meeting jesse at the bar the next night). no ones expressed any legitimate sincere long-term interest.

its all good, harmless fun.

except- when someone gets sour and starts lying on me.

i wouldnt feel a need to anticipate this if it hadnt already happened to me. with con/stan at milanos. that was real shitty. some mystery person straight up lied and said we slept together. no one even knew we went home together! and if they did- they didnt hear it from me. i dont kiss and tell at the bar. ugh.

but what am i supposed to do? not make out with randoms once every other week or so?


i guess i could slow it down. but i like trying on shoes- theres nothing wrong with that. as long as you dont get them dirty.



idk. i dont have as big a social circle as once upon a time. its literally down to 5 people. they say alcohol is a depressant but sitting at home night after night for months on end is a fucking depressant...and i aint got no time to be depressed..


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