2:27 p.m. - 2004-05-04
yeah, so my mom is back. there is nothing i can do for her. she has to do everything for herself. i dont have any more money to give her. honestly, i dont care what happens to her. she has brought this upon herself. its only matthew i care about. and now im scared. i have plans for college. i have a way out of here. but id be leaving him. i was happy for them being gone and starting over. here, my mom has exhausted all resources and has no one left to turn to. what will become of him?
i hate to admit that these feelings exist, but they do. i want to forget they exist. it is completely possible to live my life as though they are still in new york. if i didnt have them to worry about, so many of my troubles would disappear. but i could never do that. you wanna know how i know? because as i type this, my eyes well up with tears-in the middle of the computer lab with 30 classmates surrounding me. as much as i want to i never could.
i guess im not as heartless as i hoped i was.