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1:20 p.m. - November 02, 2006
dont mind me, im retarded...
i dont know whats wrong with me. why dont i know how to have a boyfriend? how do i not know yet how to be a girlfriend?

i fail at everything i do.

how can i force someone to talk to me online? i cant! why would i even think i can! i mean, if you dont like going online and you dont like typing-you shouldnt have to. and you shouldnt have to endure any sort of wrath as a result.

those are the shoulds-i keep them with the woulds and coulds. but, in the end-theyre all worthless anyway.

i might love him. is that why im acting like this? is that why i cant control myself. these outbursts? god, all these answerless questions.

immature-in a huff of anger, i signed off. WHAT IS THAT?! WHO DOES THAT?! why am i mad at him? because i have to work and cant see him. thats why. how do i explain that to him? that im retarded because i miss him already...

I'M RETARDED! oh, and now-hours after i signed off on him-i sit here constantly checking to see if hes come back on yet. is this really how adults act? can i use the fact that im still 20 as an excuse? can age be my scapegoat here? alright, thats it then. im only 20, i dont kno any better.


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