8:29 a.m. - Thursday, Apr. 26, 2007
Have a little faith in me.
how can i not write here? when i feel so much? and when i dont have the time or desire to physically write. maybe, i should lock this. all of my diaries. but i dont write just for myself. i write for anyone who just may happen to stumble across my life here. and take something-anything-from it. i have found and fallen in love with so many peoples lives over the years of dland, and i really like to think that someone could fall in love with mine. not me, necessarily. but, i dont know. either way, im not locking it right now. maybe one day. but i guess i dont want to deny the people i dont know stories of what makes my life.
id been with him since monday around 630 pm. he took me home wednesday night at 1030. the times in between were perfect. we still arent anything. and i dont know if we are going to be. but, when we are together i feel like we are. and thats nice. i dont need to feel like were together on the days when he works 12 hours. because its too hard. but, on his days off-especially these last 3 when we were together the entire time-it felt so nice. to feel like i was apart of something. and to feel comfortable. and loved. or at least liked. he tells me im beautiful and i believe it. miguel did too. but maybe its hard to remember everything in retrospect and, with that, i dont know that i remember about that.
i love to touch him. and i love him to touch me. and to look at my body. and to want me. to like my sex. i love that he thinks im smart and sexy. i love to hear him talk. i love to hear how he knows everything. and he knows a lot. and i love to tell him something he doesnt know.
but, i am not sure i need to be in a relationship with him. im sure i could be happy. it could be good. but, we dont know each other that well yet. we do-but we dont. so, i hope that in time we will and we'll be able to make that decision based on experience rather than lust and raw, physical desires.
but we have fun. and for now-thats all i can ask. i need a little fun in my life.
