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12:56 a.m. - Sunday, Oct. 11, 2009
a blow to the heart
im not sure exactly what this means. but im pretty certain its not good.

he had a baby.

hector is a father.

and its not mine! ha. not like i want it to be at this tender 23rd year of our lives...but still..

i literally just found out. it crushed me. but im still not sure on exactly how it makes me feel.

i guess it was bound to happen eventually right?

miguels two brother both have kids-and theyre 22 and 19,

ive already cemented the overness in my mind and heart years ago....but nothings ever really in cement. and even cement can be bulldozed and turned into grass. nothing i say, self.

if hes happy im happy. but i think i will always maintain a tiny piece of knowledge/hope that he can see us together forever. always. no matter how many kids who has or how many relationships or anything. theres a tiny piece.

what a blow. hector james arill. i dont even know if its a junior or not. i dont know his middle name so i dont deserve to be thus affected.

i want to get drunk.


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