9:08 a.m. - Thursday, Jan. 12, 2012
i feel like i am just broken. ruined. a lost hope. lost soul.
all ive been doing is emailing this guy and i feel like a jilted woman when i dont have an email waiting when i wake up. and when im drunk i go on an email rampage and bombard him with bullshit. now im afraid ill never hear from him again.
which is tempting me to tell him im done with this all because its too crazy for me. but, really, im too crazy for it.
if i could just wait an hour-or maybe a full day-he would respond with a totally sensible reason for why he hasnt responded to my 5 or 6 emails ive sent since last night.
im sure i can wait. tho it doesnt feel like it right now. i dont want to do this anymore. but at the same time i do, i just should pull back my excitement and eagerness. should. cant. wont.
thus, this should stop. because its making me seem crazy. seem. ha. im funny.
i just wanna talk to him. but...i dunno. i think ive scared him off. which scares me.
if i can scare off someone ill never meet in person and who lives 4,437 miles away...im fucked.
and my heart hurts.