10:50 p.m. - Saturday, Jan. 26, 2013
new year, old me
i know its been awhile. in all the diaries...i just cant seem to make myself write anymore...though i know one day ill regret losing the memories...
oy. lately..im fucking boy fucking crazy! im so lonely. im so ready (i think) for a real, stable, long-term relationship. finally.
i know ive always wanted love. and that complete feeling that comes with it. but now, im ready to work for it. and willing. and really feeling scared that time is slipping away too fast.
deep down inside i just know ill always be alone. i know it. i feel like ill never find the right person. and i feel like no one will ever be able to love only me forever. forevers a pretty long time. and i dont think id be enough.
im destined to be nina. mid-forties with a cat, no kids, alcoholic, and knowing i missed out on being a whole person. i feel like the older i get the harder it is to truly be able to become one with someone else. we all come with so much baggage..idk.
i do remain hopeful. and im not giving up yet. like i said, im boy fucking crazy. which is why im willing to try alternate means of meeting potential soulmates (internets)...
i deserve love and someone deserves to love me and i know i can become the best me with the right person by my side.
boys lately have been eh. met one from okc who started falling for me after our first meeting. nope. friendzoned.
ive made out with one or two milano's patrons/managers...just fun for the night...
and ive just met one who i think i like..but i want to give it time. because i Do Want to be serious. im sick of fucking around. come on 2013..lets dooo thisss...
